Listen Up On How To Be A Great Listener When You Know Your Listening Skills Suck

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Want to be a great listener? How do you know if you are a great listener? Read on for some compelling advice so that your second name doesn’t become “repellent.”

Here’s the scenario:
You’re out on a casual date
You’re trying to express something. The person you’re talking to wasn’t engaged in reading the newspaper before you started talking but sure enough though, the person picks up the newspaper and starts “briefing” through it while you’re talking.

Now, put up your hand if you think that the person briefing over the paper is a great listener or a satisfactory listener.

I hope none of you did.

Here’s their excuse:
“What’s wrong with me doing two things at once? I can still read and listen to you at the same time.”

What this person is telling you is either:

1) You’re boring and I don’t really care so much.
2) You talk too much.
3) They stink at listening.

One would think after all, that to have engaging conversational messages or tidbits would make you the center of attention, in which it is possible, but not if they were in the number three category above.

So then take inventory of the following:

1) You’ve taken care of issue one because what you have to say is worth having to be said.

2) Keep a check on this. Have something to say, but be engaging. Ask them questions. Certainly if what you’re trying to convey is fairly complex, take the time to expand on it, otherwise, allow the other person to ask questions or comment. Rule of thumb: two ears, one mouth ratio works well.

3) This could very well be. How many times do you hear others butting into other peoples conversation? A lot. They are the ones who like to finish what the other person started. They come up with answers even before the person has finished talking. If that’s the case, all they’re concerned about is being the talker. The “crowing glory.” They want to be heard. Their mind isn’t at the task - it’s been wandering as you’ve been talking.

Did you know that it is physically impossible for your brain to listen effectively when there are two conversations going at once? Try it. Try putting on a TV or radio talk show (or two of LoveJots talk radio shows at the same time) and have the other person read you some news story. Please listen to both conversations at the same time. Try it for a few minutes. Now, try to fill in all the details of both. Not just get the gist of either, but genuine depth. Sorry, but it isn’t going to mysteriously materialize. You can’t.

Same with conversations. The number three thinks they know all of what you’re going to say before you say it and draws up their own conclusion even before you’re finished mouthing the words. This is an extremely frustrating situation to be in, but don’t fret, you’re not alone and it’s not you that needs to change.

So, if you’re stuck somewhere with someone who lacks true listening skills be honest and up front with the person. Point it out. They may at first not appreciate it, but when someone receives a criticism and usually no matter from whom or how insignificant the criticism, the brain will question it. So quite possibly, the next time you engage in conversation the other person has had time to reflect. It does take some time for the change, but it can happen.

Realize that if you are the one who has the poor listening skills, meaning you can’t listen to the very end, breathe and then come up with a conclusion, you need to reflect on your own communication skills. If you’re the person who can’t resist butting in, make some changes. How? Well, every time you feel compelled to break into a sentence, think to yourself, “no - wait.” Already you’ve missed a few words because you were talking to yourself, but it’s OK, it will just take some practice and time.

To be a great listener, put yourself in the now, in the present. Pay attention. Resist interruption. If your dates never call you back, this may be one very good reason. Be a friend and display to your friend that you care - because you listen.

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